There’s a great moment in “The Way of Kings” where Dalinar, the “black thorn”, a killing machine who loves the thrill of the fight, is in the middle of a battle when he suddenly becomes overwhelmed by disgust at what he is doing. The magic system in the book is based on oaths, codes, and honor, and Dalinar is being guided in the right direction. Each book in the stormlight archive is also the title of a book in the book. “The Way of Kings” is a book of old codes that spell out how one should live.

After reading this I was inspired to make my own set of “codes to live by”. The idea is to look at sage wisdom from sources I trust, then reflect on my own way of acting and living to see if there are just a few top virtues that I struggle with. I landed on three:

1. Temperance

On The Skeptics’ Guide podcast and on Science Based Medicine, Steve Novella often repeats this one advice for nutrition: eat a wide variety, everything in moderation. This simple advice that has been around for decades can save you thousands of dollars and time and hassle with all sorts of fad diets and supplements. It’s not easy, but it is consistently effective. Your body and mind will thank you.

However, with smaller behaviors it’s easy to let this slip - eat just a little too much candy or play a little too much video games here and there. Soon you’ll realize your whole day is taken up by endulgance.

Temperance relies heavily on mindfulness. You must be vigilant, self aware, and act with integrity. Temperance for the skeptics goes all the way to regulating thought, “control your thoughts, they shape your reality”. It is to regulate desiers and passions, avoid extremes, and most importantly, realize you can transmute the wild energy of passion into love, community, and hard work.

2. Speak Mindfully

Never complain, even to yourself

Do not harbor hatred. Do not speak idly. Say what needs to be said at the right time, with full truth, affectionately, beneficially, and with a mind of good-will. Truthful, beneficial, altruistic, kind, timely.

Some public speakers or podcasters are clearly a level above others. It takes a lot of practice to be good. What “good” means here is consciously choosing the right words at the right times to convey accurately what you are trying to in the fewest words possible. Obviously that leaves “um” and “like” out of the sentences. But it also means expanding your vocabulary out to find better words. It also means being good at reading the room. Is this a time to give ernest praise? Is it a good time to land a bad joke?

Also, never complain.

3. Embrace Community

Put people first. Practice sympathetic joy, rejoicing in the happiness of others. Let go of anxiety.

Don’t waste time worrying about other people’s opinions. Don’t suffer imagined troubles. Don’t presume what others think of you.

Sympathetic joy is the opposite of jealousy or envy, you genuinely feel great for others in their victories and expand their good feelings out to yourself and then to the world.

For me community means fighting my social anxieties, reaching myself out into the world to interact genuinely with people where they are. Try to break through social walls that others put up to form a true connection, however brief. These moments give life value and are increasingly hard to come by.

Your Codes

Below I’ll dump all the references I used to come up with my codes. With AI I’m sure you can quickly come up with your own battle to fight.

General

• Sympathetic Joy: rejoicing in the happiness of others
• Put people first
• Never be overheard complaining, not even to yourself
• Do only what’s essential.
• Waste no time worrying about other people’s opinions
• Don’t suffer imagined troubles
• Focus on effort, not outcomes
• You’re afraid of death because you won’t be able to do this anymore?
• Choose sympathy over outrage
• Blow your own nose: get active in your own rescue, nobody else can fight this battle
• Think progress, not perfection
• Let go of anxiety
• Do the more difficult thing
• Wake up early
• Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help
• Accept the good stuff without arrogance. Let the bad stuff go with indifference. Neither success nor failure say anything about you. A rock thrown in the air gains nothing by going up, Marcus said, and nothing by falling down.
• Be free of passion and full of love. It’s that they controlled those emotions and replaced them with love. They loved their fate (amor fati), they loved other people, they loved every minute they were alive. Love, love, love. That’s what you replace it all with.

Meditations, stoic

1. Focus on what you can control: Aurelius believed that external events are largely outside of our control, but our reactions to them are not. He encouraged individuals to focus their energy on their own thoughts, judgments, and actions, rather than on things they cannot influence.
2. Embrace adversity as a teacher: Rather than viewing challenges as obstacles, Aurelius saw them as opportunities for growth and self-improvement. He believed that facing difficulties with courage and resilience could lead to inner strength and wisdom.
3. Live in the present moment: Dwelling on the past or worrying about the future can lead to anxiety and unhappiness. Aurelius emphasized the importance of being fully present in the here and now, appreciating the beauty and opportunities of each moment.
4. Cultivate inner peace through virtue and reason: Aurelius believed that true happiness comes from within, from living a life of virtue, guided by reason and logic. He encouraged individuals to develop self-awareness, practice self-control, and act with integrity.
5. Find contentment in simplicity: Aurelius believed that happiness doesn’t require material wealth or external achievements. He found joy in simple things like spending time in nature, reading, and engaging in meaningful work.
6. Practice self-awareness: Understanding your own thoughts, emotions, and motivations is crucial for personal growth and living a more fulfilling life. Aurelius encouraged individuals to examine their inner world and identify their strengths and weaknesses.
7. Be mindful of your thoughts: Aurelius believed that our thoughts shape our reality. He encouraged individuals to cultivate positive and rational thoughts, rather than allowing negative or irrational thoughts to dominate their minds.
8. Strive for excellence in all you do: While acknowledging the importance of accepting what you cannot control, Aurelius also emphasized the need to strive for excellence in the things you can. This means approaching every task with diligence, purpose, and a commitment to doing your best.
9. Remember your mortality: By contemplating the fact of death, Aurelius believed that individuals could gain a greater appreciation for life and live more authentically. This awareness can help prioritize what truly matters and avoid wasting time on trivial pursuits.
10. Act with kindness and compassion: Aurelius believed that all humans are interconnected and that acting with kindness and compassion towards others is essential for a harmonious society. He encouraged individuals to treat others with respect and understanding, even those who may be difficult.

4 stoic virtues:

• Wisdom:
  • This virtue involves understanding the world, discerning good from bad, and making rational decisions based on this understanding. It’s about knowing what is truly valuable and what is not.
• Justice:
  • Justice in Stoicism encompasses fairness, honesty, and treating others with respect and consideration. It involves recognizing our duties to others and acting in accordance with those duties.
• Courage:
  • Courage is not just about physical bravery, but also about facing adversity with resilience and determination. It’s about enduring challenges and setbacks without complaining or losing hope.
• Temperance:
  • Temperance is the virtue of self-control and moderation. It involves regulating desires and passions, avoiding extremes, and maintaining balance in all aspects of life

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Buddhist

Key Virtues in Buddhism:

Five Precepts:

These are basic ethical guidelines for lay practitioners:

• Abstaining from killing.
• Abstaining from stealing.
• Abstaining from sexual misconduct.
• Abstaining from lying.
• Abstaining from intoxicants.

Ten Virtues (for laypeople):

Expand upon the Five Precepts and include:

• Not killing.
• Not stealing.
• Not engaging in sexual misconduct.
• Not lying.
• Not speaking harshly.
• Not gossiping.
• Not speaking idly.
• Not being greedy.

Not holding wrong views.

• Four Brahmaviharas (Divine Abidings):
• These are four qualities of mind to cultivate:
• Metta (Loving-kindness): Wishing happiness for all beings.
• Karuna (Compassion): Wishing to relieve suffering.
• Mudita (Sympathetic Joy): Rejoicing in the happiness of others.
• Upekkha (Equanimity): Maintaining balance and not being overly attached to outcomes.

Six Paramitas (Mahayana):

• These are perfections or transcendent qualities:
• Dana (Giving/Generosity): Sharing resources and wisdom.
• Sila (Moral Discipline): Following ethical guidelines.
• Ksanti (Patience/Forbearance): Enduring difficulties with grace.
• Virya (Energy/Diligence): Making a consistent effort towards enlightenment.
• Dhyana (Meditation): Cultivating concentration and mental stability.
• Prajna (Wisdom): Understanding the true nature of reality.